“Borderline Personality Disorder. How does that make you feel?”
These are the words I heard, when I finally received a diagnosis. And how did that make me feel? Relieved. Like a weight was lifted. I finally knew what was wrong with me and could start on managing it.
Living with a mental disorder is hard, and there are days when I feel like I will never amount to anything, but there is always the slight flicker of hope that things will work out in the end. I have always struggled with traditional employment. Many people put it down to me being lazy and not wanting to work. This is not true in the slightest. I enjoy working, but I find it hard. This is where Network Marketing comes into play.
Having no boss to answer to means that I can work in my own time, when and where I choose. I have days where I feel like I can take on the world, and get a huge amount of work done. However, there are also days where I wake up and can’t even get out of bed. Not because I’m tired, or being lazy, but because I feel empty and hopeless.
On these days I can’t concentrate on anything, and definitely can’t do anything productive. In the past, I have always had to ‘fake illness’, or make an excuse as to why I can’t work. You can’t call in sick, to an employer, telling them that you are too empty to come in. I always found myself faking sickness or flu. Working in Network Marketing, I can take these days off, recuperate and get back to work as soon as I feel ready.
This is possibly the biggest positive for me. My business works around my BPD. Many people say that they work their Network Marketing business flexibly, around their children or employment etc. I also work mine flexibly. The only difference is that mine fits around my disorder, rather than other commitments.
I believe that success in this industry relies heavily on mindset. I do a lot of work on this and try hard to implement the Law of Attraction in my daily life. However, my BPD leans heavily toward the negative moods. I can go from being absolutely fine one minute, to feeling completely empty and depressed the next, with no reason or explanation. It is very hard for me to keep a positive mindset, when my personality is naturally negative.
This is not something that I discuss with anyone in the industry, as I always try to remain positive when networking and portray a positive image online. However, I want other people to know that it’s okay not to feel great about your business all the time. I have had many days where I feel motivated and productive, and create content, put plans in place and believe that I can achieve anything I put my mind to. Then, only moments later, I feel like nothing I’ve just put into place will ever work. It feels as though I am lying to myself, pretending that I am any good at what I do. It is a constant struggle. Imagine the angel and devil on the shoulders scenario.
Running any business, when you have a mental illness or disorder, will always be hard. There will be days when you feel like throwing it all away. We all cope with these situations in different ways, but I have found that the best thing for me to do is take a step back. I try to stop working and do something else to distract myself. I will then return to working my business once the hard time has passed. With the unpredictability of BPD, this could be a few minutes, or it could be days.
The key is to allow yourself some downtime. Network Marketing is an extremely sociable business, but there are times when we would rather do anything but talk to people. Find your own coping mechanisms and never let anyone tell you that what you are doing is wrong. Yes, consistency is key in this industry, but so is being in the right frame of mind. I have found that it is better for me to take some time off, rather than try to push on and hate what I’m doing.
You can find out more about Borderline Personality Disorder here.
Please note: this post is written based upon personal experiences and in no way represents any other individual with either a mental illness or disorder. Many people with the same diagnosis experience disorders in very different ways.